The seal crawl

What in the world?

This pretty much sums up my child lately. For the last 1-2 weeks imparticular this is Ella. I am completely unsure what her malfunction is. She has always had kind of a quirk. She is generally a happy, fun baby but when she is around strangers in an unfamiliar environment it is hot or cold. She occasionally just simply flips out. She is unconsolable and remains that way until we leave. This has happened basically since the day she came home from the hospital and is increasing quickly in both frequency and intensity. I wish I knew what I could do to help her. I certainly hope this is something she grows out of. In the meantime I am starting to hold my breath when we go out.

The way it all became how it is

This blog was never meant to go "public". I set it up as a way for my family to see pictures of little miss when I was in Tampa. I had a different blog previous to this meandmylittle4.blogspot.com that had some of the adoption journey. Needless to say this blog grew and grew and we ended up keeping it. I can say it is a great way for me to keep information and I use it as a reference when I am working on her baby book.

ANYWAY, I realized that the "story" of her adoption was never really clear to readers of this blog... so here goes.

I started looking seriously into adoption in around January of 2010 thinking that in another few years this may be something I would be interested in. I wasn't actively pursuing a husband, and lets face it I wanted to get married for 2 reasons. More income and a baby. The baby part may or may not even be able to happen as I likely have pretty severe fertility issues. Should I really be looking for a husband just to become a Mom? I didn't think so. So after TONS of research I decided I wanted to adopt sooner. I decided on Ethiopia. With long wait times and such I thought If I got my papers in by the end of the year I would likely have a child around my 30th birthday. Perfect. While delving into my research I joined a group for transracial families in my area. They would post playgroups every week and while I never attended I read the memos. One day (I believe around May) a lady named Chris posted that they would be having playgroup at her house. The memo also said "and if anyone wants a baby I have tons". What? Did she have puppies? I was unsure. Finally curiosity got the best of me and I called her. The conversation had to have been hilarious! I asked her what kind of babies she had. Turns out she worked for a local adoption agency and had many women who would be delivering over the next few months that were not matched with families. I ultimately decided that I was not ready at that time, but I would look into domestic adoption. My perception was that I would sit on a waiting list forever, loose thousands of dollars, have Mothers change their minds about placing, and never really get a baby. Also I was unsure if you could specify gender. I wanted a girl only. After that pivotal conversation I turned my research to domestic adoption. Could singles really adopt successfully? I found the answer to overwhelmingly be YES.  I even found a group of local singles who are all adoptive moms (some domestic some international). Who are now all good friends of mine. After all of this I decided to adopt here rather than in ET.
In October of 2010 I started my homestudy. This is a process where a social worker evaluates my home, me and my ability to be able to parent. That lasted a few months. Once approved I then submitted my applications to 2 different agencies. Both are local one being Heart to Heart and the other being A Guardian Angel (the one Chris works for). My applications were processed in February and I was then a "waiting family". During the next couple of months my profile (a book with some non-disclosing information about your lifestyle) was shown a hand full of times without success. This is the part of adoption that is the hardest. You are in limbo. You could get a baby tomorrow, or next week, or less likely next year, maybe even one born yesterday. You are helpless. After a couple of months I was getting restless. I decided I would also look at applying to other agencies. May 20th I sent an application to an agency in Florida, Heart of Adoption. Little did I know my baby would be born the very next day.
I was at work Monday, May 23 when I got a call from Chris. It was about a little girl. Half black half puerto rican. Born very early. I honestly don't remember much about this conversation other than me telling Chris repeatedly that this was MY baby and I wanted her. But doing her job she had to call other families also to see how many other people were also interested. I waited and waited. Time moved far to slow when you are in those situations! We spoke sometime in the early afternoon, and then again at 4pm. During the later call I was told that we were having a few problems with the State of Florida that we needed to get cleared up. I think by this call we thought she would be "mine". The time difference meant that things were closing in Florida for the day and we would be calling it quits and picking it up tomorrow. I was at peace with that and continued to work. Then at 7pm Chris called again and asked me if I would be willing to talk to the birth parents in 15 minutes. I of course was. I left work and went and sat in the car and spoke to them . They told me that I was to be the Mother of their child. I told them I would be there the next day. And to make a very long story short the next day Chris and I met them in Florida. I always knew I liked her! The other funny thing is that Guardian Angel partnered with the Florida agency Heart of Adoption to do my legal work. Chris will always be special to me and I will forever wonder what would have happened if she hadn't made that single comment!

11 months

I'll admit that the 11 month post is bitter sweet! Mommy is really having a hard time with the fact that my baby is vanishing. In one short month she will be a 1 year old. The good thing about a preemie is you are allowed to live in denial if you choose. She REALLY is only 8 months (adjusted) and that's okay right?

 Again this month she is progressing in leaps and bounds. She is now saying Mama. Previously is was always dada or baba. Whether or not she knows what is means is up to the jury I'm just glad she is developing more language. She is a pretty quiet kid and I think she is behind in this department a fair amount.

She is mobile! In less than a week she has gone from sitting in one place to going everywhere. She is really good at going backwards and spinning in circles. The forward thing is quite a bit harder for her. Sometimes she prefers to roll to get to where she wants. I think she has pretty much given up on pulling herself up on things now that it is more convenient to be flat on the floor for mobility.

She still eats pretty much everything. She really likes paper and loves if things have tags to eat. She is pretty much 100% self fed at home. At daycare she still eats some baby food. She loves hot dogs and can eat a whole one all by herself. She must have a hollow leg. Ella is just over 16 pounds. She is wearing size 2 diapers and fits in 6 month clothes. I do put her in some size 9 but they are quite long. Shoes are still newborn. A couple of brands she can wear 0-3 months! Her hair is really coming in nicely which makes for a very happy Mommy. Still just the 2 little bottom teeth. Hopefully it stays that way because she does bite! This certainly may be a future issue. That and the spitting.

Health wise we have been pretty fortunate. Ears have been much better lately. She did get a lovely infection around her earring. That was awful. I didn't even know that could happen 8 weeks after piercing. We are still using nebulized steroids and will for about another month at least. 

A picture is worth a thousand words....

On random occasions especially lately I have times that I reflect upon the last year. When I look at this picture I see things that most people probably see. A gorgeous baby, with a loving new Mom. But to me this photograph says SO much more. By the time this photo was taken I had literally been through hell. I was emotionally broken. My baby had been through hell. She was lucky to be alive. I had been put in situations I never would have thought possible, and frankly I was traumatized, and exhasuted.
I see a Mom that will never give up on her child. Who will always advocate for her, though the thickest of thick will stand by her, who will fight tooth and nail for her to excel and have every opportunity to suceed in life.
I see a fighter. A baby that had every odd against her from the day she was born, and proved everyone wrong. A smart gorgeous girl who knows that she will change not only my life but many lives forever.

Doctor's office demolition

Last week was Ella's last synagis shot (until next winter). Yeah on many fronts. While we were waiting Ella decided it was funny to "redecorate" the doctors office.

What is this here?

I'm fairly certain it would look better over here

Nobodays coming, right?

definetly less is more!

Does this taste like a warm or cool tone?

much better!

A dime a dozen??

Today I was doing an ultrasound on a young girl (around 15). Cute girl, had her Mom with her. She later announced that she will never get pregnant because she doesn't want to get fat. Her Mother insisted making arguments like, you would be such a good Mom etc. So I finally just said, "it's okay, you don't have to get fat to be a Mom, you can adopt." Her Mother then said, "I've heard adoptions are a dime a dozen anymore."
..............REALLY!?!?!
I must not have done this right! The misconceptions are SO sad. I hope that others ignorance never makes Ella feel less wanted or love, because in fact she was MORE wanted and MORE loved! Look at that face and tell me it is possible she could be more loveable!